Explaining why it looks like I wasn't grateful

 

Dear Neurotypical Adult,

I remember that as a child, the more exciting an experience was, the more it physically hurt when it ended. This led to me craving something new to do as soon as possible. To those who had just provided me with this amazing experience, it appeared that I was ungrateful. I hope my parents know that was never the case; it was the opposite. The experiences they gave me created so much joy that my body struggled to regulate back to normal.

Now, having switched from the role of the child to the parent, I experience the other side of this and understand how frustrating it can be and the emotional toll it takes on both the parent and the child. Recently, I experienced this again, which helped me realize why many of my happiest childhood memories ended with me in trouble.

I present on equitable education for Neurodivergent Learners. Every time I present, it is a rush of dopamine, and I physically feel amazing. However, when the conference is over, I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I recently added to my presentation how dopamine affects the ADHD brain differently than it does neurotypical people. This connection finally clicked for me: what goes up must come down.

Understanding why this happens has allowed me to come up with a few tips on how to ease the transition from amazing experiences back to reality.

The Science

Dopamine: According to the Cleveland Clinic, dopamine plays a large role in the reward center of the brain. A significant aspect of ADHD involves our inability to regulate dopamine effectively.

Medications used to treat ADHD assist the brain in regulating dopamine. Unfortunately, many people misunderstand ADHD medications, thinking they sedate children, which is not the case when used correctly. In simple terms, ADHD medications help the brain use chemicals such as dopamine and norepinephrine in a more typical manner.

Click here for more information on how ADHD medicine works

As you can see from the picture, the ADHD synapse has far less dopamine available. When our bodies experience pleasure, additional dopamine is released. For most people, this is beneficial. However, for someone with ADHD, their dopamine levels will dip down to what neurotypical people typically experience, while the ADHD brain's dopamine levels will dip down to almost nothing.

Story Time 

My brain likes to think of things as stories that people can relate to, so here it goes:

Imagine two people go swimming, and both go underwater. The neurotypical person goes underwater for a few seconds, depleting some of their oxygen reserves, but not enough to the point that they notice. The person with ADHD, however, stays underwater until they feel as if they are going to pass out. When they come up, they take large gasps to replenish the oxygen in their body.

Both people were underwater, and both tapped into their oxygen reserves, but the amount and intensity of the experience were vastly different. Similarly, the neurotypical person might experience a dopamine rush from an exciting activity but recover quickly, whereas the person with ADHD experiences a more intense rush and a more significant drop when it ends.

Understanding this difference helps explain why transitions from amazing experiences to reality can be more challenging for someone with ADHD.

Click here for more information on Dopamine

Click here for more information on ADHD and Dopamine

What This Might Look Like

Scenario

                          

You, as an adult, spend a lot of time and money planning an experience for your child. My oldest daughter, Arianna, loves gymnastics, and when the Gold Over America Tour came to our city, I was all over it. I planned with her friend's mom to take the girls together. We went to a fancy restaurant, super bougie. As we begin walking out of the arena from what was an incredible and empowering performance by the gymnasts and an all-around amazing night, Arianna asks, "What's next?" My body feels like I've just been punched in the gut. "What do you mean, what's next?" Her question causes my amygdala to flag this as a direct attack, and my stress response gears up. At that moment, I didn't have the information I have now and didn't respond in a helpful way. "What do you mean, Arianna? Look at all that we did. We are going home; it's a school night." When I responded like this, her stress response also initiated, and coupled with the fact that she was working on reserve amounts of dopamine, she began to cry. Most parents know that this most likely spiraled until both of us were working from our caveman brains. Both of us were spiraling through Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, thinking we were unappreciated.

How I Wish I Had Handled This Situation

"Arianna, I know this has been an amazing night, and you don't want this feeling to go away, but it's time to go home. Let's talk about all the amazing things that happened tonight. What were your favorite parts?"

This allows the parent to be direct (we are done) while acknowledging that asking for more is not due to a lack of appreciation. It's the opposite—they have loved it so much they don't want it to end. Finding ways to slow the dopamine crash and return to homeostasis will also help with getting back to a good place. Think about people who take medications like SSRIs—you can't just stop cold turkey; you will have physical side effects, so you titrate the dose. You can do this for your child and teach them to do it for themselves.

How I Could Have Helped Slowly Return Her Dopamine Levels Back to Normal

• Play music with a high BPM (my favorite is "Unstoppable" by Sia)
• Create opportunities for movement (speed walk to the car)
• Look at the pictures you took during the event
• Have fidgets available

Click here for more ideas

Understanding and addressing these differences can make a significant impact on how we support our neurodivergent children and ourselves.

- Lindsay Rice